a two-line haiku

I haven't written a two-line haiku in ages. Ages. I would really appreciate opinions on this one (I don't know if it's too flat and dry, rather than bleak as I want it to be). It is partly inspired in a love poem by Juliet Wilson.

Jamás pudimos compartir musa.
Ni cama tampoco.

We could never have shared a muse.
Or a bed, either.

 

2 comentarios

[Nia - 16 de mayo de 2006 - 13:47]

Juliet, I guess that "partially inspired" sounds strange. What it means here is that I wanted to write a poem about lusting-after-another-artist with the unavoidable professional rivalry that brings, and I stole the melancholy mood from you; without your Muse poem, mine would have been _very_ angry.

[Crafty Green Poet - 15 de mayo de 2006 - 21:23]

Hi Nia,
Well I like it! I'm glad I'm partially inspiring too! I do wish I could understand Spanish better though! (But it would be a language too many for me!).
Juliet